God Diary

1 4 3

Sometimes God speaks to me in numbers. 

A few months ago it was 11:11. I would look at the time to see it was eleven minutes past eleven - the frequency became kind of ridiculous. 11:11 is believed to mean that you’re coming into a time of transition. Wonder what that could've been about.

More recently it’s been the numbers 143. I would see (and still see) this randomly and all over the place. At first I just took it as the urban slang for ‘I love you’, which I thought was God just being cute, hahaha. But it was happening a bit too much, so being my Generation Y self I took straight to Google. The first and pretty much only hit was Psalm 143. I read it putting myself in the shoes of my sister, and bruh. Feels. I'm filled with a fresh sense of compassion each time.

Lord, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.
Answer me quickly, Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.
— Psalm 143

Admission Duo

8 May

On the day of Becks' admission, here's the verse from my daily reading:

I see what you’ve done. Now see what I’ve done. I’ve opened a door before you that no one can slam shut. You don’t have much strength, I know that; you used what you had to keep my Word. You didn’t deny me when times were rough.
— Revelation 3:8

Fitting. Comforting. Encouraging.
Lesssss go yo.

A lesson in perspective

Last week my dear friend Mari sent me a passage from the book of Isaiah, and two days later the same scripture was in a book I’m currently reading:

Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?… For all the nations of the world are but a drop in the bucket. They are nothing more than dust on the scales. He picks up the whole earth as though it were a grain of sand
— Isaiah 40:12-15

Here’s what I took from it…

Being from New Zealand tucked away in the corner of the world, I always find that travel inspires new perspectives. I dream bigger, I aim higher. I feel refreshingly small. In this particular journey however, with these particular circumstances, there are times where feeling small equates to feeling overwhelmed and powerless. The stem cell transplant is a life changing deal for my sister, and with this comes a flurry of questions, hopes and fears. Worry. If we allow it, it can assume power over our thoughts and emotions it doesn’t deserve. The anxiety a drain of peace. Swallowed between these skyscraper buildings, perspective can be lost.

This scripture, a poetic truth, has been a reassuring reminder of God’s perspective and magnitude in all of this. Our human capacity is limited, his infinite. Not to disregard the extremities of what my sister has to go through, what I’ve witnessed is heartbreaking - but if the nations are but a drop in the bucket, then how big is this stem cell transplant really? He is bigger. Nepal and Baltimore breeding instability. He is bigger. He knows. He cares. The challenges are great and yes I feel small, but the earth a grain of sand in his eyes? 

That’s some reassuring perspective. We're in good hands.

Apartment!

Seriously. So perfect it hurts.

Apartment hunting was such a saga. First of all property managers here are terrible at replying, and secondly we had really specific needs regarding wheelchair access etc. Spirits were being seriously dampened.

Through the grapevine I found out the Dorsett Hotel we stayed at when we first arrived also have residential apartments, and with a bit of research I found a connection. One viewing and two days later we have a two bedroom apartment for the rest of the trip. 

God knows well. The apartment is so me hahah. It's also only a 15-20min walk from the hospital, I'm a 5min walk from VM's, and there's a lift in the building down to the MRT train to get to anywhere else easily. And, because it's connected to the hotel, I have access to the pool and gym. Yay yay yay.

I feel so humbled and blessed. He really showed off on this one.

Robust faith moves mountains

19 April
With so much in flux, it was awesome to be able to get along to church on Sunday (my sister has friends who connected us with some pastors here). I felt God’s peace so much and the message was just what I needed. Arrow to the heart material…

There is fairly well known scripture about faith like a mustard seed moving mountains:

“For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
— Matthew 17:20

This verse has commonly been interpreted as faith the size of a mustard seed moving mountains, which always baffled me. Surely if everyone had faith that size we’d have mountains moving all over the show right? Heh heh. No but seriously, in terms of my sister’s health - we’ve been believing in faith for healing and it’s been a mountain that won’t. seem. to. move. 

The pastor explained how this verse is not about the size of the mustard seed but its robustness. No matter where you plant a mustard seed, even in its tiny size, no matter its circumstances, it just keeps growing, going, unrelenting. Our faith is to be the same - growing, going, unrelenting. And that mountain will be moved.

In the midst of all this chaos, we keep on keeping on with robust faith. No matter what each day brings, I will always believe that my sister will be healed. Nothing is impossible and this mountain will be moved.

#HonestyPost :: As much as I’m excited about all of this, I’m also pretty nervous. I’ve never really done hospital visits before, and there’s a whole lot of other things I’d rather keep to myself ha. But not to be afraid - never alone, and ready to embrace it. All of it.